Of Primary Importance
by hearmelaugh
Summary: Just because he had a heart of utter stone, didn't mean he didn't want his room to be pret-... aesthetically pleasing. He was Japanese. He just drew the line at ikebana made by one-eyed red-headed white boys using bloody daffodils.


"Ne, Yuu-chan-"

"Oi! Me slamming the door in your face wasn't an invitation to enter, idiot!" Lavi brushed the protest off as lightly as he flicked red, red hair out of his eye. "Yuu, Yuu, when will you learn? Your lips say no, but your eyes say yes, yes, yes! 'Nyways, that's not what I wanted t'talk t'you about" Kanda resisted jabbing _Lavi's_ eye out, because what was the point of an eye if the eye saw LIES LIES LIES. But that shade of green made his room a lot more aesthetically pleasing than it was without, and like a pillar of stoicism Kanda would bear with it.

Just because he had a heart of _utter_ stone, didn't mean he didn't want his room to be pret-... aesthetically pleasing. He was Japanese. He just drew the line at ikebana made by one-eyed red-headed white boys using _bloody_ daffodils.

Kanda exhaled the exhale of the proud and defeated.

"The fuck"

Which was Kanda for "What is it, Lavi?"

The red-head grinned, because he was the foremost authority on Kanda, and he _got_ him.

"Well firstly, how come I say 'ne' more than Yuu? It's a hella lot more Japanese than 'fuck' 'nd 'Oi'"

"If I wanted to waste my time and get a headache, rabbit, I would hit my head against the wall. The fuck do you want with me?"

Lavi tossed himself onto the bed, rolling around and happily mussing sheets that had been folded with military neatness. He feared just for a hairsbreadth of a moment that he would get a cut from the sharp edges, but still he rolled bravely onwards.

"Well, y'know how you've got that weird spell that makes you healthy and manly and crap really really fast, yeah? The one you never wanna tell me 'bout?"

"I'm not a cursed freak, the hell else do I have that I could confuse it with?"

Lavi pouted and hugged Kanda's pillow, delighting gaily when the other boy twitched in distaste at the close proximity of his pillow to Lavi's socks (not shoes, because murderous Kanda was murderous and Lavi wasn't a cursed freak either, sorry Allen).

"Just tryin' t'make you feel guilty 's all, babe. No, see, as a man, yeah, I get very annoyed that my cute love bites-"

"Giant disfiguring teethmarks"

"Love bites," Lavi stressed, "disappear so crazy fast. Almost makes me think y'don't like me and you're willing my expression of deep love away!"

Kanda did not acknowledge the fact that he did go into meditative trances when Lavi had passed out after much hearty... rhymes-with-dove making (Kanda speak pretty one day), accelerating his healing and removing any and all marks and bruises within the hour.

Kanda would have coughed to hide his guilt, but Kanda doesn't hide.

"So I'm thinking, yeah. Yuu kept kicking me in the family jewels at first, well, now I know _why_, you naughty Yuu you, but now we do it like cute little bunnies!"

Which was not strictly true. They'd yet to do it in an open grassland, but if there was one thing the Godless Kanda Yuu had faith in, it was Lavi's ability to make him drop his pants. It was fucking magical (magical fucking?).

"Point, rabbit. Get to it"

Lavi dramatically clapped his hands to his cheeks. "Good God Yuu, did you just make witty wordplay? Unf, we should go 'nd ask the sprout if it suddenly got cold in debtors' hell" He waved his hand to stop Kanda from launching into a tirade about.... well, anything really, Kanda didn't limit himself in ranting.

"Point is, with much perseverance and intense Lavi-lovin', I wore down the unwearable Kanda Yuu! So methinks if I spend most of my time with my lips latched to some part of Yuu, then the spell'd know it's not worth the effort and it'll stop erasing all my expressions of love! I'll wear that down the way I wore down Yuu"

Kanda (the unwearable, though what the hell did that mean, really?) felt slight fear at the thought. Yes, it would feel wonderful.

Yes, he would have to kill the entire Order when they sniggered at the sight of his Lavi scarf that never ceased from kissing his neck.

Lavi sat back and opened his arms wide, grinning lazily. "So c'mon babe, this is one mission I'm positively _anxious_ to get on with."

Kanda decided to make a tactical recovery in the town some five miles away from where Lavi was sitting. He wondered, briefly and with much horror, if the Lotus could die from an overdose of public displays of affection. He wouldn't put it past whatever entity that had saddled him with his fucked-up life to send him to the grave decorated with hickeys.

Lavi's hammer head blocked the door before he could get to it, and Kanda was about to kick Oodzuchi Kodzuchi out right along with his door when it grew till the finial was intimately imbedded in the wood, and the flat piece made out with Kanda's ceiling.

"This is tough love, m'dear, I _must_ insist on completing this mission. Now just be your heart hurtin'ly gorgeous self, and lover, I'm gonna take you to the _moon_"

And Kanda was thinking perhaps if he jumped out of the window and invocated his First Illusion, he could cling to the insects and fly far, far away, but then he (not at all) accidentally tripped on the hem of his pants as he leaped for the window, ending up smashing into Lavi into the bed, and there were lips at his jaw, and now fervently Kanda hoped the Lotus wouldn't bother trying to heal the results of their rhymed-with-dove making or Lavi (being the rabbit that he was) would have a dead body for a partner by some time tomorrow.

"Rawr. Didja know my name means lion, Yuu? I'm gonna go for your jugular! And maybe some other blood vessels later, yeah?"

"Fucking gaijin"

"You mean usagi, Yuu. Or Lavi, really, if you wanna be grammatically right"

"I'm going to fucking mess you up if you bite till I bleed, Lavi"

Lavi hummed just under his ear.

"Baby, baby, baby. You messed me up a long, _long_ time ago"

* * *

A/N: :D Happy LaviKan Day! Fangirl Japanese for those not in the know: gaijin is foreigner and usagi is rabbit (just in case) Reviews make me want to post stuff instead of laugh at my own fics (because I'm sad and _spe-shul_). Feel the love, yeah?


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